Still waiting...

All the books, articles, blogs, forums, etc. that we have read over the past 2 years did NOT exaggerate how difficult the infamous "2 week wait" is. Now, we've been in the 2 week wait many, many times (27 to be exact) while trying to conceive over the past 2 years and 3 months, but nothing compares to the 2 week wait after IVF. We actually feel like we have a chance this time and cannot wait to find out if this will be our answer. Our pregnancy test is scheduled for 3/5 at 11:30am and then they will call me later that afternoon with the results. We probably will not update this blog before then because we are keeping ourselves VERY busy this next week. We have things planned with each other, friends or family, work, or fantasy baseball (in Ryan's case) every day and evening this week. We have every intention of keeping our minds off of what is to come, BUT we would love for all of you to keep us on your minds with thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, and fingers crossed!!

In the meantime, we leave you with a very touching poem I came across while reading Every Drunken Cheerleader Why Not Me? by Kristine Waits, a book I'm reading for an infertility support group I recently joined. We'll be discussing this book tomorrow evening. This poem hit a cord with both me and Ryan as we try very hard to be patiently waiting at this time...

Patiently Waiting

Baby I love you though God has not yet given you to me,
I have spent my whole life learning patience and that is now what I am trying to be.

I love you though we have not met, and though you are not yet real;
Somehow you are in every thought, and love is all I feel.

You're a dream I didn't know I had, a prayer I didn't know I would pray;
A song that I would sing for you, if only you would stay.

We want you in our life to share a love that is so strong;
And we will continue to wait for you - it does not matter how long.

We believe God's perfect plan so you will come when the time is right;
And though you are not yet real, you are already Mommy's delight.

I want to hold you in my arms and teach you to be great;
I want you to be our legacy, our destiny, our fate.

Your daddy and I love you and we can't wait for the day;
When we hug and kiss you gently and you will not go away.

We have a wonderful marriage, maybe this hardship is our test;
But holding hands together, we continue to pray for the best.

That you will grace our lives with greatness and make us a family;
So the love that is too much for two can soon be shared by three.

Waiting is the hardest part...

Since our last entry, we got a phone call letting us know that out of the 11 eggs retrieved, 8 were mature enough to be fertilized and 5 were showing early signs of fertilization. Then we got a call the next day and said the 5 had developed into embryos. The embryos would continue to incubate for the next 3 days and then we would go into the office to discuss the quality of the embryos and Dr. Filer would make recommendations on which one(s) had the best chance of successful implantation. So that's what we did today...

I had to get up at 6am and start downing 48oz of fluid so that my bladder was full when we got to the office at 7:15. I had to sit uncomfortably in the waiting room crossing and uncrossing my legs and trying not to think about how badly I had to pee. They called us back and reviewed what would be happening today and the discharge instructions. I had an ultrasound and then Dr. Filer came in with a photo of our 2 best embryos (see below). He said they looked great and he thought we should implant both and we agreed. He informed us that they would have to use assisted hatching because the lining around the blastocysts was thicker than they would have liked. Assisted hatching means they make a small hole in the lining to give the blastocyst an "exit" to break out of the lining and attach itself to the uterine wall. 

If you're wondering what happened to the other 3 embryos- one of them stopped growing at 10 cells and the other two were not quite to the level of blastocyst (referring to the number of cells that had multiplied). They will continue to monitor those 2 and then decide if they were good enough quality to freeze. So, after our conversation, I rolled over to one side and had an injection (I thought I was DONE with those!) in my buttocks (ouch!) of Versed, which is a benzodiazepine to help relax me before the procedure. I liked that one! I was nice and calm and I think I dozed off for a short nap. Dr. Filer said the blastocysts were implanted smoothly.  I have been taking progesterone (through vaginal suppositories) for 4 days so my uterine lining is supposedly nice and thick and sticky, just what those little guys need. I will continue to take the progesterone 3 times a day, 81mg of aspirin, 16mg of Mendrol (a steroid that is necessary because they did assisted hatching), and a Vivelle (estrogen) patch. At least they aren't injections! These should be a piece of cake. I'm currently on 24 hours of best rest and am required to keep my abdomen completely flat, unless I have to get up to use the bathroom. So far I'm finding it pretty enjoyable, but I'm sure I'll be bored out of my mind in no time.

Our pregnancy blood test is scheduled at the Lancaster office for MARCH 5. So now we are in the dreaded waiting period for the next 11 days. We welcome lots of distractions during this time!!

Off To Make a Baby (in a very nonromantic way)

Today is the big day. It's 6:40am and we are leaving in about 20 minutes to go to The Fertility Center for the egg retrieval. Ryan will have a specimen in hand and then they will put me to sleep and remove as many eggs as I have produced with the help of the injectables. Then, they will choose the best quality eggs and best quality sperm and have them meet lovingly in something like a petri dish. The ICSI procedure will be used to insert one sperm into each of the eggs, in hopes of increasing the chances of fertilization. Over the next few days they will monitor the development of embryos and let us know how things are looking. The embryo transfer (i.e. placement of embryo into my uterus) will be either Thursday or Friday next week.

The injectables went relatively smoothy overall. I only have a few bruises on my stomach and thighs to show for them. On Thursday after my bloodwork and ultrasound I got a call from one of the nurses saying that everything looked good and I was ready to go a day earlier than expected. They moved the egg retrieval up to Saturday instead of Sunday. I was also told that I was DONE with the Lupron, Follistim, and Menopur, but just before I could jump for joy, she said I'd have to do one final injection- HCG. So Thursday night, Ryan prepared the HCG for me and I injected it and then we had a mini-ceremony, saying goodbye to our nightly rituals of injection- hopefully for good. Friday morning I had to take a pregnancy test that was supposed to come out positive (which it did) because of the HCG. My first positive pregnancy test, but it wasn't "real." All day Friday I felt extremely bloated and got the sense that my follicles were trying to bust out of me. It feels like I'm ready to go!

So, off we go for a morning of babymaking in a new way that has become our reality. Ryan or I will post later today with an update on how things went. This is definitely a day where we need positive thoughts, vibes, and prayers more than ever!

UPDATE: So we're back and Jen is currently snoring resting on the couch next to me... I think she misunderstood that the bed rest requirement was for after our procedure on Thursday and not this one, but I'm not going to argue with her. They were able to retrieve 11 eggs from Jen (ALMOST a full carton), and I actually had good counts on my "army" - almost double anything I had produced earlier. They'll call us tomorrow to let us know how many eggs they were able to fertilize, and we'll go on from there. Thanks everyone for the happy thoughts.

My Wife, The Pincushion

I've never been one to enjoy watching pain inflicted upon others - in fact, the very thought of it makes me quite uncomfortable. Now, I'm not saying I enjoy watching Jen inject herself (to be honest, I suppose "watching" her inject herself would mean i would have to keep my eyes open when she draws the needle close to her stomach), but thinking about "why" she is taking shots (now 3x) every night, and I find myself looking forward to our 8pm rituals.

People have done nice things for me in my life, kind things, thoughtful things; but what Jen is doing for me us is beyond any of that. She's the ultimate team player and I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through.

I'm extremely proud of the fearlessness with which she attacks the shots each night - as if it's nothing, just brushing her teeth, washing her face, or some other nightly routine. I try my hardest to help her, prepare the syringes (I insist on doing this, she refuses to read the directions), wipe any post-injection blood off, and I even show her the proper way to wince as the needle breaks the skin.

In a few days, the injections will be over and we'll move on to another difficult process - the waiting. But for now, I smile in anticipation for tomorrow's wince.

Fear No Needle

 
Some of you are probably wondering how I've been handling the injectables so far. The first night was pretty nerve-wracking. In my impulsive nature, I was trying to get it over with as quickly as possible, while Ryan (the obviously more rational one in this moment) slowed me down and double checked the instructions to make sure I was doing everything correctly. So, after he gave me the okay, I grabbed a chunk of skin on my thigh and did the deed (taking deep breaths before, during, and after). Once I realized that I did not pass out, have any burning sensations or other weird symptoms, I knew I'd be able to handle the rest. I'm a little over a week in now with the Lupron. No major hormonal mood swings or anything so far. I was told to administer it around the same time every night (between 7 and 9pm). Most of the time I've been at home, but once I had to do it in the bathroom at an NYC restaurant and another time at Maggie Moo's bathroom in Lancaster (CZ accompanied me for that one and we made it fun). I will be taking Lupron for another week or two. I have my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound appt on 2/7/12 and they'll see how everything is looking and let me know when to start the Follistim and Menopur which are follicle stimulators. I will be on these for 8-12 days and will have bloodwork and ultrasounds throughout to monitor my progression. There will be about 12 days that I will be injecting 3 different medications.... yikes!

Here are some important dates coming up:

2/8/12: Baseline bloodwork and ultrasound
2/10/12: Bloodwork
2/13/12: Bloodwork and ultrasound
2/15/12: Bloodwork and ultrasound
2/17/12: Bloodwork and ultrasound
2/19/12: EGG RETRIEVAL
2/23, 2/24, or 2/25: EMBRYO TRANSFER

Thanks for following along with us on this journey. Positive thoughts and prayers are much appreciated!!

Holy Meds!

Behold the injections, pills, and patches I will be using over the next month. They were in a very large box on our doorstep this afternoon. $2700 worth... yikes! Lupron injections start next Friday, January 27th. I took an injection class at The Fertility Center this week and they walked me through all the meds. It was pretty overwhelming and I don't think I'll actually remember anything they told me. I'll figure it out by doing, I think. I've never injected myself with anything before, so this should be interesting. You can inject in your thigh or abdomen. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do thigh since I have a little more meat there! I'm hoping I don't have any major hormonal changes that make me a raging b*tch, although at least I'll have a good excuse! Stay tuned...

Jen's Surgery and Other Updates

I had my polypectomy at 1pm yesterday. Everything went fine. Dr. Filer performed the surgery himself and was very kind both before and after (even when I was rattling off all the things I wanted to devour eat when I woke up from anesthesia - more on that in a second...). He removed the 6mm polyp we knew about and also took out 2 other smaller ones while he was in there. Looks like my uterus is all clear now and ready to go! The worst parts of the procedure were not being able to eat all day until after my surgery at about 3:30 (don't worry, I totally made up for it afterwards with a junior bacon cheeseburger, fries, chicken nuggets, 2 pieces of pizza, and milk & cookies- WOW- I hope my patients don't see this) and the other not-so-nice part was the nurses trying to get the IV in me. It took 3 tries because my veins were being stubborn. But, I was feeling fine afterwards and was back to work today!

Since our last post, we have received our "calendar of events" for the IVF process. Being the type A planner that I am, I love knowing exactly what is happening and when, with plenty of advanced notice. So to give a brief synopsis of upcoming important events: I will begin Lupron injections on January 27th. We decided to start the medications after January 1 when my flex spending account restarts and we can pay for the meds with that all at once (we're estimating about $2,000 for meds alone). Then, I will have 2 other sets of injections through early February. The egg retrieval is scheduled for February 19th and the embryo transfer is scheduled for February 23, 24, or 25. Ryan and I are both going to take the days off on Feb 24 & 25 since we won't really know the exact transfer day until right before. We figured we could use the "mental health days" around that time anyway. So, that's the plan... hopefully it all goes smoothly and ends with the outcome we are hoping for! In the meantime, we are going to embrace this holiday season and be thankful for everything we do have. We truly hope to have a child to share the holidays with next year, but until then, we will keep our heads up and enjoy life as we know it. Merry Christmas!!